As a high school principal and parent myself, I recognize that there is simply no way to ignore the national debate surrounding transgender student access to private areas like bathrooms and locker rooms. It is my job to make sure parents and students are comfortable with all of our policies, including this very important one. In the coming weeks, I hope to hear out the different views regarding who should use what locker room. Before we tackle that, though, we’ve really got to get rid of the large bat in there.

Does concern for students’ privacy and emotional comfort outweigh young people’s right to express their true gender identity? This is an important question, but it’s moot as long as we’ve still got a coconut-sized bat pinballing off the shower stall doors and flying freely between the boys’ and girls’ locker rooms, making it virtually impossible to use either one. It makes a horrible wailing sound, too.

In the coming weeks, I hope to hear out the different views regarding who should use what locker room. Before we tackle that, though, we’ve really got to get rid of the large bat in there.

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My son, Jeremy, now refuses to go to gym class, because the last time he went to the boys’ locker room, the bat lunged at him from behind the bin with all the basketballs in it and then chased him around the cafeteria for a bit. My daughter, Alex, also dealt with the bat in the girls’ locker room after it banged around in the air duct really loudly, freaking everyone out. As soon as we can deal with this bat situation, the very next item on the agenda is the whole transgender thing.

For me, as both a parent and an administrator, it all serves to verify what was already clear: Someone needs to chase the bat out of the locker room area.

I hear the advocates for trans students’ rights. I hear the concerned parents worried about safety. These voices are valuable, but right now, the voices I’d like to hear are folks suggesting concrete, immediate steps we can take to lure the bat out through the window by any means necessary. Whatever we might think about sex-segregated locker rooms, I think we can all agree that if anyone—trans or not—goes in there and does something about that goddamn bat, it would be a step in the right direction.

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