It baffles me that we live in the most progressive era in human history and yet somehow are still debating what constitutes a beautiful body. There’s an endless, nauseating back and forth going on about what beauty is and isn’t, which misses the point entirely. If we could just get to the level where we can see everyone’s body as beautiful, we’ll be able to appreciate the super-hot bodies even more.

It’s critical that we strive toward recognizing the beauty inherent to all body types. If we can look in awe at the stretch marks of a mother of three or be captivated by the curves of a plus-size model, then just imagine how amazing perfectly toned arms and calves will look in comparison. It’d be like going from pleasantly puffing a j to straight-up mainlining heroin into your neck—total fucking euphoria.

We’re all beautiful, and we need to start recognizing that. Let’s celebrate those flabby arms, bellies, and butts so that when we come across perfect abs chiseled into a stomach with less than 6 percent body fat, we lose our fucking minds. We should be able to look at a woman in a size 18 dress and think, “She is absolutely stunning just the way she is, and that means we need to make entirely new words to describe Kate Upton’s perfect breasts and ass that God probably killed himself after making, being driven mad by his own creation.”

So look at yourself in the mirror today and be confident that your body is beautiful just the way it is. Then, with self-acceptance out of the way, you can finally devote yourself full-time to appreciating the unbelievable facial structure of Calvin Klein models who are so unfathomably attractive, you can scarcely be counted as the same species as them. See how that makes you feel. I think you’ll like it.