Taking Care Of Your Elderly Parents Can Be A Beautiful Experience If They’re Very, Very Sexy

I dreaded my parents getting older. I’m not proud to say it, but the idea of having to care for the people I had relied on for so much of my life really freaked me out. But as my parents entered their twilight years and started needing my help, I finally realized something pretty incredible: Taking care of your…

Thanksgiving In My Family Is Always Tense Because I Read News Outlets Owned By Liberal Billionaires And My Uncle Reads News Outlets Owned By Conservative Billionaires

As much as I enjoy Thanksgiving, I can get pretty stressed out thinking about the charged political conversations that always seem to break out between my uncle and me. No matter which topic we broach, Thanksgiving dinner is usually pretty tense because I read news outlets owned by liberal billionaires while my uncle…

Maybe A Humble Mall Pedophile Taking On The Washington Establishment Is Exactly What This Country Needs (By Roy Moore)

For far too long, the out-of-touch elites in Washington have been governing for their own benefit at the expense of average, everyday Americans. Now more than ever, what America needs is someone who understands the common worker and who can finally get our country back on track, which is why a humble mall pedophile…

As A Male Feminist, I Really Think I’d Absolutely Crush It If I Ever Had To Publicly Apologize For Sexual Misconduct

America is now confronting its endemic sexual harassment problem and finally holding powerful men accountable for their crimes against women in an unprecedented way. Big-name celebrities and media titans are being outed as the sex criminals they truly are, but infuriatingly, exposed serial abusers like Harvey…

Now That Trump Is Ending The Senseless Ban On Elephant Trophies, My Wife Can Finally Get The Elephant Head Transplant She Desperately Needs To Live

There has been no shortage of debate over all the policy that has come out of the Trump administration, and I myself can’t say that I support much of what our president has done during his time in office. But President Trump has recently made one compassionate decision that I could not be more grateful for. Trump is…

This Rate Of Progress Gives Me Hope That I Might Live Long Enough To See A TV Show About Trans People That Isn’t Critically Acclaimed

Trans visibility in American media seems to gain more and more traction every year. From Transparent to Orange Is The New Black to I Am Jazz, television audiences are warmly embracing stories about transgender people’s lives and everyday experiences—and judging by the numerous awards they’ve garnered, critics are too.

In A News Cycle Saturated With Mass Shootings, It’s Becoming Harder And Harder To Stand Out As A Deranged Gunman

These days, it feels like every time you turn on the news, they’re reporting on a new mass shooting. But as soon as details start emerging about the gunman, another horrifying mass shooting inevitably happens, and the last one is completely swept out of the public eye. In this endless churn of American gun violence,…

I Came To Hollywood At 16 With Nothing But A Suitcase And A Dream Of Falsely Accusing Someone Of Sexual Assault

It’s easy to look at people who have had success in the entertainment industry and assume that everything came easy to them. But people forget that success is often just one small part of a much longer story full of false starts and thankless work. That’s certainly true for me. When I was just 16 years old, I moved to…

Now That Trump’s Cronies Are Starting To Fall, It’s Only A Matter Of Time Before Everything Works Out Totally Fine For All Guilty Parties Involved

Well, folks, it seems like the dominoes are finally starting to topple. With the indictment of former Trump aides Paul Manafort and Rick Gates yesterday, FBI special counsel Robert Mueller officially declared open season on Trumpland, and from the looks of it, it’s gonna be like shooting fish in a barrel. Now that the…

We Must Stop The Rollback On EPA Regulations Unless One Of Those Chemicals Can Bring The Wooden Daughter I Built To Life

It seems as though each day we hear about a new environmental protection being signed out of practice by Environmental Protection Agency head Scott Pruitt, allowing toxic waste to contaminate our lands. At its current rate, the ever-shrinking barrier of protection between the ecosystem and corporate polluters may be…

I’m Starting To Worry My Prince Charming Will Never Drive Up To My House In His Homemade Station Wagon With His Mom In The Backseat, Honking His ‘La Cucaracha’ Horn And Waving His 9-Foot-Long Arms

All my life, I’ve believed that my soulmate was somewhere out there waiting for me. Whenever I had a relationship that went sour, or a boyfriend that turned out to be a dud, I would just remind myself that someday the man I was meant to be with would find me and whisk me away to a life of happiness. But now I’m…

It’s Cathartic To Have A Chance To Speak Out On The Internet About My Experience With Sexual Assault For The Millionth Fucking Time

The news of Harvey Weinstein’s repulsive history of sexual assault has sparked a deluge of social media posts from men and women alike detailing their experiences as sexual assault survivors. As a sexual assault survivor myself, I, too have participated in the movement, and for me, nothing has been more cathartic than…

If They Continue To Remain Silent As Trump Ends DACA, I Will Never Attend A Blue Man Group Performance Again

I first saw the Blue Man Group in 2002, and I immediately became a rabid fan. There was just something about those emotionless, silent blue men playing their strange homemade instruments without uttering a peep that really caught my fancy. Since then, I’ve attended dozens of Blue Man Group shows all over the world,…

Modern Video Games Are Giving Kids Unrealistic Standards For How Many Swords They Can Carry At One Time

Some people would tell you we’re in a golden age of video gaming. Between incredible advances in graphics, a booming indie scene, and virtual reality just over the horizon, I am almost inclined to believe them. But while video games might be improving, nobody seems to be paying attention to what lessons the most…

Advertisement