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Anyone Who Says There’s No God But Allah Has Never Met My Dad

People like to talk about how great Allah is, how he’s this omnipotent creator of the universe who sees and knows all. Well, they may be right about that, but I still think there are some folks who take it a bridge too far. If you honestly think the only God is Allah, you’ve clearly never met my dad.

Look, I can understand why people love Allah, and I’m not trying to say they’re wrong to worship him and celebrate him. It’s just that when these people go mouthing off about how Allah is the only God and there’s no deity but Allah, it’s like, hello, aren’t you forgetting about someone? Man by the name of Eric, lives in central Iowa, always there when you need good, sound advice? Ringing any bells?

Everyone who knows my dad can tell you what an amazing guy he is. If you ever had a meal with my dad, you’d understand—he just knows how to have a good time. Also, he tells these hilarious stories. Even if Allah is as good as everyone seems to think he is, I’d still bet my dad gives him a run for his money.

I also feel like people who believe in this single all-powerful God don’t understand how strong my dad is. He’s lifted all kinds of stuff. He lifted our couch—the big leather one. Say what you want about Allah, but has he ever lifted a couch that size?

On top of that, my dad can talk baseball with the best of them. I don’t really know if anyone has spent time talking baseball with Allah, but my dad can often tell you someone’s batting average without having to look it up! If you haven’t, you should definitely go to a game with him sometime. It’s a blast.

So, yeah. I know a lot of people think Allah is the only God, game over, end of story, but I really believe that they should meet my dad before making that call. Spend an afternoon with him, and then come back and tell me you already knew who the “one true God” is. You won’t regret it.