I Could Kill A Frog, Easy

Stuart Blevins - Blogger

By nearly all metrics, I’m what you would describe as an ordinary man. I’m not particularly talented, and I’m not all that much to look at. But even as an average man, there are many things I can do. Like, for instance, I could probably kill a frog. And it wouldn’t even be all that hard.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure I could kill one of those things pretty easy. I could probably whip one against a tree real hard. Or I could step on one’s head with my steel-toe work boots. Or I could maybe even squeeze one very firmly in my hand as if it were an empty Pepsi can. Heck, I bet I could come up with 10 different ways to kill a frog if I really put my mind to it.

And I’m not just puffing hot air, either. Maybe you think I’m just saying all these things to sound more impressive than I really am, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I might not be the toughest or most gifted guy in the world, but I know my own potential, and I swear to you—hand on the Bible—I could kill a frog, no problem. How am I so sure? Well, to be honest, frogs just aren’t that strong.

You don’t need to be a modern-day Hercules to send one of those slimy little guys to the big green lily pad in the sky.

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The truth is, I don’t even want to kill a frog. It’s just that I know I could. You don’t need to be a modern-day Hercules to send one of those slimy little guys to the big green lily pad in the sky. In fact, I’m sure that you, the reader, could kill a frog if you wanted to. You just gotta have the motivation. And a plan.

Now, could I kill a toad? That one I’m not so sure about, mainly because I’m not totally clear about what a toad’s got that a frog doesn’t. I saw a toad out on my driveway once, and it looked meaner than sin. I sprayed it with the hose, but it just stayed there and kept staring at me until I went inside. Frogs, though, they’re pussies. They’ve got bones like toothpicks. Toads, I’m not sure if they even have bones.

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I just thought of another way I could kill a frog: running it over with my car.

Let me say once more that I really don’t have any intention to kill a frog. I’m just saying that I could, should the opportunity present itself. And, to be frank, anyone who says I couldn’t kill one doesn’t know what they’re talking about. They need to get a life. You have my word that I could kill one, and that’s a promise you can take to the bank.

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