I grew up believing that I should save myself for marriage. That’s what my parents and my pastor said I should do, and I believed them. But looking back on it now, four years after getting married, I regret waiting until marriage to have sex with all three members of Yo La Tengo.
For one, it put a lot of pressure on my wedding night. That evening should have been a joyous celebration with my new husband. Instead, I spent most of it stressing out about having sex with Yo La Tengo at the end of the night. Would I enjoy it? Would Ira Kaplan, Georgia Hubley, and bassist James McNew enjoy it? What if I wasn’t good at it?
I was a nervous wreck, wracked with doubt and anxiety that all could have been avoided if I’d just gotten it out of the way and had sex with all three members of Yo La Tengo before getting married.
Worst of all, I now understand that sex with Yo La Tengo is a beautiful thing. It’s perfectly natural, and nothing like the big scary sin that my parents made it out to be when I was growing up.
It would have better prepared me for the experience itself. All throughout high school and college, I was the only one of my friends who wasn’t having sex with Yo La Tengo. So, when I found myself in bed with Ira Kaplan, Georgia Hubley, and bassist James McNew on the night of my wedding, l really had no idea what I was supposed to do. Everything was new. The condoms. The sight of bassist James McNew’s naked body. And, of course, the physical sensations.
Needless to say, the sex wasn’t great. There was the awkwardness of struggling to unzip Ira’s pants and accidentally elbowing Georgia in the nose at one point, all set to the sounds of I Can Hear The Heart Beating As One, which James had put on in a failed attempt to set the mood. When it was over, I couldn’t help feeling cheated. Had all my good behavior led up to three unremarkable minutes that left me feeling like I had done something wrong?
Worst of all, I now understand that sex with Yo La Tengo is a beautiful thing. It’s perfectly natural, and nothing like the big scary sin that my parents made it out to be when I was growing up. Sex with Yo La Tengo is about connecting with one of indie rock’s most critically acclaimed bands through an intimate and loving experience. But that night, having sex with Yo La Tengo just made me feel weird.
In hindsight, I can’t help but wish I hadn’t waited until marriage to go all the way with Yo La Tengo. It just would have made things so much easier. And I know my husband feels the same way.