When I bought my waterbed last month, I thought I did everything right. I checked out all the reviews online, I tried one out in the store, and I made sure I was getting the best bed for the best price. On the day my brand-new waterbed finally arrived, I was ecstatic. Then I discovered the drowned body of former chess world champion Bobby Fischer inside.

From the first night I slept on my bed, I knew something was wrong. It certainly didn’t feel like the waterbed in the store, and there was a noticeable lump on one side of the mattress. I was going to just let it go, but eventually my curiosity got the best of me. It was my bed, and I needed to know what was inside.

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As I started draining the bed out, I realized that this was no small lump I was dealing with. Without the water to hide its outline, the problem was as clear as day: There was a large, bloated corpse in my bed. I cut the mattress open to look at it, and although prolonged exposure to water had really done a number on him, I immediately recognized the face I saw. Staring back at me was one-time chess legend Bobby Fischer.

The Fischer estate came by to identify the body, and they told me, yep, that’s the guy.

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It’s the kind of thing you never think will happen to you. This bed had four and a half stars online and dozens of positive write-ups. When you pay $300 for a bed, you expect a certain level of quality, and I don’t think it’s too much to ask for a bed without a deceased superstar of the chess world inside. I tried calling the waterbed company to see what they could do about it, but they said that since I didn’t buy a warranty, I’m stuck with it.

The Fischer estate came by to identify the body, and they told me, yep, that’s the guy. Now, I have to figure out what to do with both a torn-up bed and the waterlogged body of arguably the greatest chess player of all time. What a nightmare.

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Has this sort of thing happened to anybody else? I didn’t see anyone mention finding the body of a chess grandmaster inside their beds in the reviews I read, so maybe this is a one-time thing. If the company makes a habit of this, though, they need to take a serious look at their business practices, because this is totally unacceptable. Finding the lifeless body of Bobby Fischer inside an important purchase like a waterbed is something no consumer should ever have to go through.