Restaurants today cater to a wide variety of tastes and sensibilities. From vegan eateries to steakhouses to establishments with entirely gluten-free menus, it seems like there’s something for everyone. I have a proposal for a new type of restaurant: a kebab place that lets you pet the meat while it spins.
Frankly, I’m shocked that this kind of food establishment doesn’t already exist. It seems like there’s a large market of people just waiting to feel that hot, wet rotating meat, and it’s surprising that no one has capitalized on it yet.
There are too many arguments in favor of this idea to list in one place, but here are a few key reasons:
- It would be fun to touch the meat and find out what it feels like. I think it would be warm like a dog, but wet like a seal.
- You could try to really press on the meat hard and see if that slows the rotisserie machine down.
- If you got oil or spices on your hand, you could smell your hand.
You might ask, why not just go to an existing shawarma or gyro restaurant and ask to touch the meat? Sadly, these places simply won’t cater to customers who ask to touch the meat, even for just a few seconds. And if a customer jumps behind the counter and tries to touch the meat? Yup. They get kicked right out.
But the way I see it, their loss is someone else’s gain! That’s why it’s time for bold entrepreneurs to seize this business opportunity and build restaurants that give the public what they want.
Perhaps there could also be themed restaurants that have a small spinning meat at each table, so you can brush it with your fingers during the entire meal. But I think most customers would also want the opportunity to touch a full-sized rotating meat hunk in the front window.
The food industry is overdue for a major disruption, and it’s time for restaurants to embrace the future. Someone’s due to make millions off this idea. Unfortunately, it’s not me, because my numerous prison convictions prevent me from ever obtaining a business license.