The other day I was watching YouTube videos of that show Stomp and it just sort of hit me that it probably couldn’t be that hard to bang on trash cans and create rhythms with mops and brooms and stuff, and it actually sort of seems intuitive, like anyone could do it. In fact, I could probably be in Stomp if I really wanted.

I mean, sometimes when I sit around, I’m just banging on stuff, you know? Tapping out a beat with my spoon or chopsticks, or whatever it is. Personally, I don’t see a big difference between that and what the Stomp people are doing, except they’re doing it on a stage and getting paid. They’re probably getting paid a ton for doing stuff that, honestly, I feel like I could probably do in my house with, like, some cups or a bunch of trash bags.

I’ve got a pretty good sense of rhythm. My girlfriend Donna’s always telling me I should take music lessons or something like that, but I don’t have time to go and learn a whole instrument. Anyway, for Stomp you probably don’t even have to know an instrument. Can you knock around a bucket or some trashcan lids? Well, then you can do Stomp.

There’s even a chance I can add something that isn’t even on Stomp yet. Like the other day I noticed this floorboard at my girlfriend’s house was squeaky so I just started stepping on it, making a little song with the squeaks. I didn’t even think about it that much and it turned out pretty good. Is there a part of Stomp that’s with a floorboard? Cause if there isn’t, that could be an awesome addition.

Of course, I probably couldn’t do all that acrobatic stuff where they flip around and do twirls. That stuff actually requires people with skill. But the other stuff I bet I could learn if someone just showed me the choreography.


Actually, I’m not totally sure if Stomp is still around. Now that I think about it, I haven’t seen a commercial for it in a while, but it was pretty popular back in the ’90s so I bet there’s some place that has it or at the very least would want to have it.

Of course, now that I think about it for a little bit, none of this is practical because Donna is the love of my life and I’d be nuts to leave her. But still, I could probably get cast in Stomp if I really wanted.